Before It All Changes

Chapter 1

A not so distant memory.

I refuse to forget what it means to be human. To be honest, it wasn't something I thought about until recently. Where our humanity ends and our programming begins for many is a not so distant memory.

Becoming successful in dating for a long time meant getting my own way. It's funny how when the novelty wears off, it's so easy to slip into old programming. When does "I love you" become a statement that demands a result? I forgot what it felt like to find joy in the unknown.

Chapter 2

Forgetting curve.

When do the metrics turn into mandates?

A harmless tracker begins to track when you last acted, threatening decay if you delay. When was the last time I did something that made me feel alive? What if they're wrong?

I'm scared of what would be left if I were to forget my humanity entirely.

Chapter 3

Last breath.

You remind me of what it means to be myself.

We know what peace is and still we chase after it as if it is something to be captured. You cannot contain peace. It is beyond our reach. And still, that is the point.

It is the lack of effort that allows you to breathe.

Chapter 4

Cadaver.

It's lonely here. I knew it would be. Preserved for viewing. At last all the attention is on me and I can't feel a thing. I am a shell of the person I used to be. I shudder to think of how I am being watched now.

I cannot avoid perception here, and still few care to perceive me at all.

Today being seen wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Chapter 5

Sleep now, work later.

It's taught, "Work now, sleep later", I disagree. There is no hierarchy between sleep and work, just routine. A routine with you at the center of it all.

Chapter 6

Escape this town.

It is important to get up and out of the places that you are in. The perspective you gain from stepping out of your situation is invaluable.

When you find yourself up against a wall, step back from the wall and ask some different questions. It helps to see your situation from a very distant perspective. Have a conversation, do an activity, go somewhere new, and get your head out of the clouds of self doubt that paralyze you. Motion is the antidote to failure.

Chapter 7

Far from home, but never far from where you're supposed to be.

It's been a while since I've returned back to where I was raised. And yet family can follow you still if you allow it to. You don't leave home for good when you're headed to where you're supposed to be. You bring it with you.

There is nowhere I've gone that I have felt truly lost.

Chapter 8

The end is just the beginning of another journey.

Death happens when you no longer remember who you are. I've died many times. I suppose death only exists within my mind for the world around me seems to remember. When I disconnect from them I remove myself from the very source of life that would prove the existence of my own. Sometimes I cry about it. Other times I wake up in the morning and smile. Death brings about life when you choose to remember it. Your memory is everything and is what gives light to the beginning of another journey.